Warmly,

Leora

Thank you so much for this wonderdul reply (it feels a bit cool to be on a blog!). It tells me exactly what I need to realise- that I have done really well so far, and that this is a journey- I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

My mum and sister are an amazing support but I am going to cast my net wider, and finally confide in a few of my closest girlfriends about the fact that I am still not ‘cured,’ but that my journey has taken a little detour. Friends often share private things with me but I don’t really talk about my ED with them, as I have always found it too shameful and embarassing. But now thinking about it, I’m quite excited about relieving some of the pressure. Hopefully bringing it out of the shadows will shrink its power over me. I know deep down that getting back on track means I really need to open up so I will also look for some friends online.

I also agree with stopping dieting, even if it terrifies me. I’ve talked about it with my mum, and we noticed that my recent binges haven’t been caused by emotions but by physical hunger. On a ‘normal day’, I eat 1000-1200 calories or am doing some diet like Dukan/diet pills (you name it I’ve done it!) or exercising like a mad woman. Looking back it makes complete sense as to why I always feel so tired and ill and end up bingeing- my body is crying out for nutrition after 5 years of abuse!

Obviously I know that my attempts at weight loss haven’t worked for a long while, so its time for something new and radical- listening to my body! Its scary to take a leap of faith and abandon dieting as I always hope this time will be the time I get back to a size 0 but deep down I’m tired of fighting and want to move on with my life. All I want is to regain my health, vitality and energy which I am going to achieve with baby steps: more food on a daily basis, good nutrition and regular exercise.

I’m also reading a book called Bit(e) by Bit(e) to get my recovery going again, which I’d recommend for anyone going through troubles as it offers practical solutions.

Thank you so much, I know we’ve never met but you’ve been a huge help and this website is inspiring.

Poppy