My triggers are certain activities and certain cravings. If I watch a movie, I eat. If I just worked out, I eat more than I need in order to replenish. I don’t always feel hungry, but when I do, it comes on strong. Like now, I am hungry. This is what normal hunger feels like. I woke up two hours ago, and haven’t eaten. But the problem is that I’m not inclined to go eat anything. Partially because I know there’s nothing to eat, and partly because if I have a craving, I can only eat that without feeling nauseated. Right now, I am craving baby carrots.

Now, that isn’t a bad craving to have. But it’s unhealthy for me to lay here until my mother gets home and I can borrow the car to buy my carrots and veggies and fruits. I should be eating, but I’m not. But say if I were craving pizza right now, and I had one in the freezer. I would go downstairs, cook it, eat it, and feel nothing. No guilt or remorse. Probably way too full, but no guilt. However, talking about pizza has made me a little nauseated since I want carrots. I can’t even think about junk food when I’m craving healthy. It works the other way around, but to less of an extent.

So what’s wrong with me? I can’t afford a therapist, and I don’t have a car anymore anyway. I don’t seem to have the emotional signs of binge eating, but this is clearly still binging even if it is a smaller amount of food compared to some people.

The amount of food I eat when I binge varies. It can be a package of baby carrots, or a whole Digiornos pizza (It’s gone down to 3/4), or a plate and a half of spaghetti with garlic bread. I find that I get full fastest with the carrots.